Monday, December 24, 2007
It is my sincere wish that you are all able to share in the love of family on this joyous day! Just in case the family antics aren't silly enough for you I have a little something extra special for you, sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.
I thought about adding this to the 50+ post, but didn't. When this train of thought was revealed to my dear sister, she said DO IT! So here it is for your deranged enjoyment.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Understandably, these pieces weren’t as newsworthy as Michael Vick’s dog fighting charges or Paris Hilton going to jail. But these stories held an angle unlike any other:
The take home lesson: There’s one more thing money can’t buy…Intelligence.
Here are 15 headlines that exemplify the strange happenings that took place in the workplace in 2007.
1. “Employee eats 32 vending machine items for charity”
A juvenile probation officer ate one of every item in a county courthouse vending machine in one day. She consumed more than 7,000 calories and more than 300 grams of fat, eating such items as beef sticks, candy bars, Pop Tarts and potato chips – all to win a bet with co-workers and raise $300 for charity.
Sure I’ll eat that
2. “Cola wars get physical as Pepsi worker attacks Coke employee”
Two employees from the rival companies got into a tiff over shelf space in the aisle of a Wal-Mart in Indiana. The Pepsi worker allegedly assaulted the Coca-Cola employee, hitting him in the face, giving him a black eye and breaking his nose. Police say the two were also accused of trying to run each other over with pallets full of soda bottles.
How white trash can you get?
3. “Alleged robber asks victim out for date”
After two men robbed a Domino’s Pizza delivery woman, one of them called the victim from his cell phone to apologize – and to ask her out.
Smooth, Cliff, reeal smooth.
4. “Four women fired for gossiping”
Four women employed in a small New Hampshire town were fired for gossiping about a relationship between the town administrator and a fellow co-worker. They were fired on the basis that “gossip, whispering and an unfriendly environment are causing poor morale and interfering with the efficient performance of town business.”
I was born in a small town…I guess the old bitties have relocated to the traditional street corner gatherings again.
5. “Eau de Lawsuit: Woman sues over scent”
An employee in the Detroit planning department sued the city, saying a female co-worker’s strong fragrance prohibited her from working. The woman claimed she is severely sensitive to perfumes and her co-worker not only wore a strong scent, but also plugged in a scented room deodorizer.
Because you couldn’t just ask her to turn it off?
6. “Salt lands McDonald’s employee in jail”
A McDonald’s employee was arrested, jailed and is facing criminal charges because a police officer got sick after a hamburger he ate was too salty. The employee accidentally spilled salt on some hamburger meat and told her supervisor and co-worker, who “tried to thump the salt off.” The employee was charged because she served the burger “without regards to the well-being of anyone who might consume it.”
I find it hard to believe that a person who eats at McDonald’s is all that worried about salt intake, but that’s just me.
7. “Carpenter free to ply trade in the nude”
A carpenter caught hammering nails and sawing wood in the nude says he prefers working in the buff because it’s more comfortable and helps keep his clothes clean. The carpenter was found not guilty of indecent exposure.
Um…right it’s more comfortable to have saw dust chaffing your loins and the potential for dismemberment or at least severe mutilation. Join a colony or put some clothes on! However what I do find interesting is that this guy was found NOT guilty… who does that?
8. “Southwest Airlines employee tells passenger her outfit won’t fly”
A Southwest employee asked a young woman in a short skirt to leave the airplane, saying she was dressed too provocatively for the family airline. The young woman was eventually allowed to complete her trip after covering up. On her return flight, she came home with no problem – in the same outfit.
My favorite part of that snippet is that she was dumb enough to chance public humiliation again on the return flight. Daddy’s little exhibitionist…has a nice ring to it.
9. “Employee accused of faking being cop”
A Taco Bell employee was arrested for impersonating a law enforcement officer and attempting to arrest his managers and co-worker. He passed himself off as an undercover narcotics investigator, going as far as typing fake criminal histories on the general manager, two shift managers and an employee and telling them they were going to be arrested.
They never said you had to pass an IQ test to work there. What concerns me more is that this guy was able to “pass himself off” Translation: (Said in Ferris Bueller voice) They bought it.
10. “Employee took 1 million screws home from factory”
An assembly worker hid screws in a specially designed hiding place and took up to 7,000 home with him every day. Over a two-year period, he stole more than 1.1 million screws with an estimated value of $155,000. He allegedly sold the screws over the Internet at discount prices.
Brings new meaning to the phrase “screw you”
11. “Deputy nabbed twice for DUI – by husband”
An off-duty jail deputy was pulled over and charged with driving under the influence – by her husband, a fellow deputy. She supposedly left before he could give her a Breathalyzer test, so he pulled her over again and called for backup. She was placed on administrative leave.
A case of good cop bad cop gone sorely wrong…well mama always said…Stupid is as Stupid does
12. “Workers killed after seeking raises”
A car dealership owner killed two employees because they kept asking for more pay. The employer told police he was having financial problems and was under a lot of stress.
That’s one way to cut expenses…
13. “Man demands coupons from radio station employee”
A radio station employee was threatened at gunpoint when an angry patron was unhappy with the promotional bumper stickers he received. The patron demanded McDonald’s coupons instead; when the employee didn’t have any, the man flashed what looked like a handgun. She searched her car and found a coupon for a free cheeseburger. The man took it, made a derogatory comment about the radio station and rode away on his bike.
HAHAHAHAHA These freebies SUCK I want other ones! Yeah so let’s all be stupid…oh wait, I’m sorry sir this is the stupid police and you’re abusing the privilege!
14. “Wienermobile gets cop roasted”
When a 27-foot-long, 11-foot-tall vehicle – known to most as the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile – was slowing traffic in a construction zone in Arizona, an officer ran its “YUMMY” license plate to make sure it was street legal. A bad computer entry erroneously showed the Wienermobile as having stolen plates, forcing the officer to pull it over. After further investigation, the officer learned that the entry should have read that license plate had been stolen – but only if found on any vehicle that isn’t a giant hot dog.
Oh yes the Wienermobile has stolen plates… because that wouldn’t be completely obvious. I can’t figure out who is more mentally impaired here the bacon or the people they’re after.
15. “Drive-through dispute gets suspect jail food”
Workers at a Burger King in New York got into a dispute with a customer after he refused to turn his music down while ordering at the drive-through. The customer grabbed the restaurant’s manager, tried to pull her through a window and then attempted to run over a worker who came to help the manager.
Yeah somebody gets a little testy with the low blood sugar. Welcome to New (Zoo) York!
Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal *gunshots* and a Happy New Year *gunshot*
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I find myself getting more easily stressed out these days, as daylight decreases, workload increases, and being faced with ever expanding social obligations I rarely seem to find a free minute let alone twenty. This afternoon though I am dedicating at least twenty minutes to destressing through the use of deep breathing and visualizations.
Don't call me I won't answer.
Would you if this was where you saw yourself? I didn't think so. Feel free to join me if you want, but if you do don't talk. This is a private beach where that is the only rule, no words.
I know it sounds hokey, but honestly it works. A cheap cd from the bullseye with those random mixes of music right by the card section...you know which one I'm talking about. That, a mostly dark room, no interruptions, and slow steady deep breathing. Let's wash that stress away in the ocean tide you hear in the back ground. My rock hard knots in my shoulders are already melting away.
twenty an hour.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A: Fresh Fruit
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. cheese and pepperoni, I know I'm original
Q. What is currently on your computer wallpaper?
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Right now
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. not without drugs
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. black, blue, cool colors and anything with blue undertones
Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. Not that I know of
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Not that I know of
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: which one? I've got two today.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Is that actually a real question? Now come get your dinner, you fat lard. No, not you, the other llama.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: On my way to Idaho over two years ago, knock on wood
Q: Last person who called you?
Q: Last Person you hugged?
A: Gav, gracias btw I love hugs
A: 20? I don't know the even ones, and ones I don't think are weird.
A: In a daze
Q: Listening to?
A: Richard Marx- Right Here Waiting
A: The cursor move across the screen as letters are slapped up in the vague shape of words.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go to dance, watch TV, Go to sleep, get a response
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Disturbia, I didn't stay for it though. Truly not a fan.
Q: Do you smile often?
A: only when I'm laughing
Wanna play along? Let me know.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
like a stocking.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
Turns out the idea was that L who's parents own the house, was thinking somewhere around 20-25 guests. Turns out it will probably be somewhere around 50-60. People love me. What can I say? OK so it's probably less about me and more about the promise of free food. As almost all parties are...What's in it for me? hehe
So the problem is we were going to BBQ. One minor problem. No grill. Hot dog buffet! We've got boiled, baked, and fried take your pick! OK scratch boiled. Fried would take waaay too long to cook for that many people. Anyone have any good suggestions as to how to cook the dogs? I'm open to most anything that's not too nasty or doesn't require more $$
Here's some food for thought while you ponder:
Why would someone who has the goal for temple marriage and is fully capable of having one, opt to elope to Vegas for a secular marriage?
OK allow me to expound on this...Soooo my friend is retarded! She eloped to Vegas about two weeks ago and didn't get married in the temple. She said it was because they had a lot going on and it was the best for now. My thoughts were "Best for who? & From what or who's perspective?"
My impression is that there are other underlying reasons like perhaps she didn't hold strong to her convictions. No not saying sex before marriage or anything like that, but I know this is not a choice she would have made if it were really up to her. I feel like she's probably gonna end up divorced.
I know it's such a pessimistic view, but I really will be surprised if they stay together. I don't know how long it will last and I hope it lasts forever and that they do make it to the temple, but I can't deny the impression that I get is that's probably not the best way to start a marriage...by keeping it secret from your family for a week after the fact. Now that I think about it a lot of their relationship has been riddled with deceptions of sorts.
I know not everyone has family they feel close to, but honestly that's what marriage is about is family so why wouldn't you want yours to be there?
Monday, October 29, 2007
Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy.
Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
Friday, October 26, 2007
the more psychotic you make yourself sound the better the blog fodder. In reading some of my frequent bloggy haunts I noticed this. One person in particular talks about her self in the third person, tells stories about herself as a princess, and openly admits to having a debate between two of her multiple personalities. The reason this is so humorous and she's not in padded cell lock down is because she outwardly appears normal.
So today's lesson, share the real you behind the veneer whether that veneer is glossy, chipped or cheap formica.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
|You Are A Vampire|
You have a real thirst for bliss, and you consider yourself a true hedonist.
And you're not afraid to walk alone in life, if it means getting what you truly crave.
You truly enjoy entrancing people. Not to mention the ensuing pleasures of the flesh.
Your tastes have been called decadent and bizarre. You usually give in to your temptations, no matter how primal
Your greatest power: Your flawless ability to seduce and charm
Your greatest weakness: Human flesh
You play well with: Werewolves
|You Could Definitely Be a Vampire|
Immortality, staying pretty forever, not having to get a job... you could definitely eat some flesh for these things.
It's not that you're a murderer by nature. In fact, you're probably the furthest thing from it.
However, if you woke up a vampire, you'd certainly be able to adapt and enjoy your new lifestyle.
There might not be much better than living forever, even if it means giving up your normal life, but then again it's probably not that normal anyway.
What you would like best about being a vampire: Being with others who are just as ridiculously good looking as you are
What you would like least about being a vampire: No one could fully appreciate your sparkling personality
All I have to say is come and get me ;D
Look it's wonder woman! Only she's traded in those impractical bright shiny boots for more sensible boots that make the ever increasing need for a speedy wardrobe change that much quicker!I really love what they do for my ankles...Could I be more vain?
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Today one of my coworkers started accusing people of the most heinous faux pas. For example, he claimed another one of our coworkers loved to watch Knight Rider, and it was among her favorite shows. At which point another one chimed in with this little beauty...I piped up with some slick comments of my own, and then came under attack myself. Except I was accused of watching CHiPS. I remarked "ooh Eric Estrada, how on earth did you know?" With my background in razzing I can take just about as much as I can dish out. Some people don't know how to take a joke, and others know right where to take it.
This afternoon we had the monthly celebratory cake, oddly enough there are no October birthdays in our department. Instead the CFO comes in and just kind of went over the good news for the department. His last announcement was a huge complement to me. In the line up of superiority I'm on the fourth level. CFO being obviously the 1st. He said that this complement came from someone on the sales side of the company, and it was said in front of a lot of important people in the company. The sales manager said that I had brains, always thought of the customer, and had good creative ideas for problem solving. After the little meeting dispersed, I received this gem from one of my coworkers.
I couldn't stop laughing and felt my face flush because I had laughed so loud that most if not all of my department heard me. Enjoy... I might have to remove this for sanity's sake. Just whose sanity though has yet to be determined.
I had never heard of the town of Forks before two weeks ago. Since then I've been obsessed, but just a little. It took me a week to finish the first and there was no doubt about it. I was head over heels. I could tell b/c I was prone to fits of giddy squealing at the mere thought. I read the second one in two days; spending most of the first day crying my little girlie eyes out. But it was short lived, and now I am relatively happy again with the exception of the minor irritations here and there.
To be honest my interest was peeked by none other than these three women. I want to say thank you to all three of you. I don't think I've ever found a book or series for that matter that has sucked me in so completely that I feel emotionally tied to it. There may be one exception to that though ;)
It all began on a warm sandbox evening in October. I had been hearing quite a buzz about this. So I decided while at my local Wally world to pick it up. Oddly enough in so doing I ran into some friends of mine. Funny how that works out. I didn't have much of a chance to read it on that night, friends...geez. ;D
But you bet I did some heavy reading during my trek to and from Glitterfest 2007. My dear sister kept asking me, during the whole time of Glitterfest how much I had read. Obviously in that setting there was little to no progression, as I was surrounded by darling angels quite literally screaming for attention. :D
I could never ignore such
Point of story: I found a man. His name is Edward Cullen.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I received an email request, from a customer no less, that was for their statement dated 10/24/07. I'm seriously NOT KIDDING!
That's exactly what they asked for. I was a little bit flippant in my response when I sent the fax; which I'm sure will come back to bite me in the butt and humble me, but I sent them a copy of the current status of their account. On the cover page I wrote.
"I received your request for the statement dated 10/24/07; however, for obvious reasons, this is the best I could do.
Yeah I know it was rude...totally belongs here, but I laughed pretty hard about it. Not business professional, but very much me.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Boulevard Blvd (Not to be confused with BVDs..."I go everywhere in my BVDs")
But I never knew about these STREET SUFFIXES
Alley Aly (The suffix most commonly used by cats, dogs, thugs and speakeasies)
Annex Anx (This one is for the ambitious dictator types)
Arcade Arc (For those obsessed with Pac-Man)
Bayou Byu (No comment)
Bottom Btm (Talk about getting AROUND)
Divide Dv (Where Math majors live)
Forge Frg (For the miners, & smithys)
Forks Frks (I thought this was a town? Not only that but the abbr looks like it says freaks, is that considered irony or just a bizarre coincidence?)
Loaf Lf (This is where the bakers & lazy people live)
Oval Oval (For those who are too cool to live on a circle. Wow! what an original abbr.)
Overpass Opas (For that homeless guy you gave your cup holder change to. Bet you didn't know he had permanent residency there did you?)
Passage Psge (Who thinks up this stuff?)
Prairie Pr (Where the cows go home.)
Radial Radl (For the best tires in town!)
Ramp Ramp (As in off ramp or on ramp? Nice abbr.)
Stravenue Stra (For the ultra modern roads. Aren't these designed by Donatella?)
Trafficway Trfy (Hello Captain Obvious!)
Underpass Upas (For the drunks and vagrants)
Viaduct Via (Yes I live on a railroad bridge)
Hopefully you at least chuckled at some of these. Or maybe the monotony of work has finally warped my brain beyond compare. Meh laugh now, muse later.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Now that that's passed... I was reading an article on people who take movies waaay too seriously, and happened to notice a link to the above. I thought it would be interesting to see who all has reached such "heights" of infamy. I knew of at least one person, but to be honest, had nary an idea as to anyone else. I quit watching that show way back when. I was perusing through the "catalog" and happened upon one particular individual.
It shocked me a little to learn that this person's last known residence was less than an hour away from where I currently reside...YIKES! Twitching, shuddering, flinching, and one spastic tick later I realized, "Oh hehe there's no way someone of said infamy would hang out in the vicinity of such a heinous (haha yes I said heinous) crime."
|You Are Cameo|
You are understanding and very empathetic.
You don't tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend.
And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.
|You Should Rule Saturn|
Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.
You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance.
You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
But on with the list.
Front tooth (ok maybe this one is a joke ;D)
The Julie Andrews Collection:
The Sound of Music
Thoroughly Modern Millie
Oh yes and of course a few good holiday treats that only mom makes "right."
Monday, October 8, 2007
With that in mind I think I'm gonna go tank up ;)
In the mean time I leave you with this one....
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
|What Your Favorite Color Blue Says About You:|
Emotional --- Affected --- Sensitive
Peaceful --- Tranquil --- Connected
Spiritual --- Experimental --- Deep
Anyone?... Anyone?... Bueller?... Bueller? Yes at the bottom of the sign it says or "bring your own pot" admittedly, I noticed that before anything else. Hmmm what are we advertising here? Good authentic soup? or special home grown south of the border-esque herbs? I wonder of Juan Valdez and his donkey have anything to do with it?
So wait what exactly is in that bag? Did anyone ever see Clear & Present Danger?
Sorry, couldn't help myself. Reminiscing about Mr. Ford pre-I wanna be a pirate accompanied by my wench with an eating disorder days. That last one...no telling where that came from, just enjoy the view.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Dated July 3rd, 2007
So I realized, yesterday that I have been in Arizona for almost a year now. My the time has flown by! It was definitely one of those holy crap moments that is very surreal. I look back on all that has happened and some of it makes me laugh and some parts of it are a little depressing, but over all it's been mostly blessing after blessing. Things have fallen into place better than I could have imagined. Who would have ever thought that I would end up doing what I am doing now? So not my personality. But I do well at it. While I don't plan on being here forever, for now it works.
What? I couldn't post this without at least one randomly good image. Time for me to go watch some Golden Girls...