Have you ever had one of those total AH-HA moments of epiphany?
They’re usually pretty neat and make you feel all warm and fuzzy and stuff. Right?
Well have you ever had one that made you think twice about most of the choices you have made in life?
You say you haven’t?
Lucky You!
I’ve settled and settled horribly. Yes, I suppose I could have done worse…a lot worse…yet the fact remains. I don’t know that I’ve ever really fought for anything I truly wanted. Maybe I just lack the conviction or the simple knowledge of what I truly want to do that would compel me to make something work.
I am reminded of a conversation I had with my father a few weeks ago. He asked me how I was doing. I replied simply with something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It must mean it’s time to make a change.”
Maybe my “world” in all its smallness always feels like it’s falling apart when it’s time to change because it is. The little walls I put up to help create stability are being torn down and moved around in order to create room for the coming change. Just what exactly that change is, I’ve yet to figure out.
If I'm likening all this to remodelling a home I think this is the part where you hit the real low, somewhere in the middle and wonder why in the world you ever started the renovations in the first place. Except these reno's aren't usually by conscious choice. Hopefully I'll be on the upswing soon, and it won't turn out to be the Money Pit.
In effort to curb the request that it simply bite me in the butt so I can figure out what it is already, I think I’ll just keep praying for an answer. That bite in the "proverbial" butt might hurt a lot worse than I currently imagine it would, and I’d have problems sitting for a while, which would mean no blogging for me and no blog reading. Sad Day!
I know change is inevitable, but it still hurts sometimes.
Growing Pains suck!
I really don’t want to wallow. I’d much rather get up and finish my trudging through the mud except it’s still kind of foggy and I can’t see where I’m going. I hope this doesn’t mean I have to army crawl my way out of it.
3 years ago
3 comments:
Don't dwell on the things you've done wrong. Take the realization as a chance to move forward and be better. After all, that's why you've had the realization, so you have the opportunity to make changes for the better. If we aren't changing for the better then why are we here? Learn from the past but don't dwell on it.
Remember you're incredibly stubborn and that means you're strong willed and can use that will to do great things.
When in similar situations I hear voices in my head. No worries--I'm not that far gone yet. It's just Bill Murray's voice from "What About Bob" saying over and over, "Baby Steps!"
Best--
Baby steps to the door.
Baby steps to the elevator.
Baby steps to get on the bus...
I think my personal favorite quote to that movie would be, "If I fake it I don't have it."
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