My Trip to the Orange Hardware Store

So for my upcoming activity, I’m building a Plinko board with the help of my lovely assistant BonBonz. Since we have only a mere 5 days to finish preparing, we decided to get started on it last night. I met her at her house, and from there we traversed to the local hardware store in order to procure the needed supplies. It was decided that we would take her car, which looks something like this.



Since it was so nice out last night she wanted to go topless…the car not her. When we ride in her car it is quite normal for jealous guys people to stare, especially when we are at stoplights. This evening was really no different than usual. It always makes me giggle when people act so silly. (Insert eye roll here).

We strolled into the Orange store and started meandering the aisles. This particular store was pretty deserted even by normal standards. So we navigated our way to the nail & screw aisle…where strangely they also have chains, rope and bungee cords…double entendre or no? While we were en route to that particular aisle we were greeted by several of the store employees as per usual for two females wandering around a hardware store.

We weren’t in any big rush just having fun talking and laughing. Right as we were coming up on said aisle one of the employees approached us to see if we needed help finding anything. It wasn’t obnoxious it was genuine, but it genuinely caught us off guard when we looked at him…not gonna lie he was kind of a cutie. We were nice, promptly said “No thank you,” and headed on to our destination aisle.

So in debating trying to decide which type of nail to use, I suggested it might be better if we picked out the board first. So we went to the end of the aisle and headed to the next one over to decide on our board medium (drywall, plywood, etc). While wandering slowly down the aisle we were again approached by Mr. May I Help You?

Let me clarify that in situations like these I usually default to BonBonz because she is more adept at coming up with the right things to say. Translation she’s more confident than I am. Anyway she explained to him what we were doing and that it was for one night only.

My brain, which is constantly in hyper overdrive due to the ADDness, was ready to fire off a dumb remark about how it was only for one night so we needed something quick, cheap, and easy. I started to say it, but it was very quietly, and I knew it would not come out as funny as I thought it was, so I shut my pie hole.

Mr. MIHY was very nice and helped us find something that was cheap enough and recommended the type of nail for our little project. In his parting remarks he said if you need help out to your car with this let us know.

We went back over to the nail section and picked out what we needed and then attempted to head over to the paint section. BonBonz brought up an interested point. She said Wally World has paint too and it’s CHEAPER…

“Yes, we’ll take the chipper chicken.” (Who can tell me what movie that’s from?)

So we paid for our stuff and departed to the topless Jeep.

And this my friends is where it gets interesting.

We were giggling at the mere thought of how we were going to transport this 4X8 piece of lumber back to the casa de BonBonz. We tried to think of somebody who would have a truck that could assist us in this endeavor. No dice, either no truck or no answer. Left to our own devices to figure it out we hoisted it up on top of the Jeep. We also determined that we would need something to make sure that the wood stayed up there for the remainder of our journey.

I ventured back in to the store to find some bungee cords. I headed down the aforementioned aisle and there were two males there one in an orange apron who was cutting chain for a customer. I surveyed the scene briefly as I was scouring the aisle to find said bungees. As I wandered down the row in search of my fastenings I inevitably crossed paths with the two men who were there. I politely excused myself as I passed by and then found said cords. I made my pick and then headed back out the way I came.

The guy with the bucket of chains excused himself from the middle of the aisle when I walked back down. I was busy thinking about other things and just humming to myself and gently tossing the container with the bungees in it. I felt strangely aware that I was being watched off and on while I headed to the register. I paid and headed out the door.

Throughout my entire time in the store that evening I was off and on dancing around a little, mentally humming (yes I was…think something like Frank Sinatra’s Strangers in the Night……doobie doobie doo…), and would randomly make weird noises as a result of my interior monologue and randomness. Wow after expressing all that I’m surprised I haven’t been locked up for being crazy!

I digress.

As I was heading towards the door, the lady who had rung up the board and nails asked, “Back already?” I let her know that we needed something to keep the board on top of the car, and continued on my way. When I was walking out the door I noticed the bucket chain guy was coming out at the same time I was. I kept walking towards the Jeep and noticed BonBonz sitting in the Jeep playing games on her phone.

I opened the passenger side door and set my purse in there on the floor, and handed the first bungee to her. It was then that Chains in Bucket came over and asked us if we knew what we were doing/ if we needed help. Again I didn’t really turn around since BonBonz was already facing him I let her handle it. He stayed there for a second and then remarked how much he liked her Jeep and said, “It’s hawt.” She said thank you and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. I don’t remember exactly what happened or how he left, but he returned to his car, which was only a few spaces closer to the store than the Jeep.

After he took off BonBonz and I started laughing about that while we tied the board down with the bungees. Unfortunately we had to wrap the bungees around door so we had to go Dukes of Hazzard style in and out of the car. I did OK climbing through the window…BonBonz on the other hand had a little difficulty. When we ran to Wally World for the paint, she tried to open the door, but it didn’t work and we both chuckled about that one, but she ended up climbing out the back and remarked, “This is why people don’t have secks in Jeeps!” I almost fell the rest of the way out the window laughing.

When we finally made it back to her casa we put the board in the garage and set to painting. It was very therapeutic. After a good base coat, we called it good for the night and watched Baby Mama. I still have mixed feelings about this movie. There were parts I liked, and parts that I hated.